Sifting through my image archive, I rediscovered this old ad I got from superdickery:
Frederick's of Hollywood is offering a CORDLESS VIBRATOR."Exciting new massager!", the ad proclaims.
"Exciting and stimulating massager brings _____ joys and ___ for ultra satisfying ____. Deep, ga___, penetrating massage gives soothing beneficial relief from daily tensions. Women will find it invaluable for skin tone and complexion care. 7 inches long, completely safe. Batteries not included. $2.00."
* blanks = I couldn't decode the scanning.
Hmm... Massager... for women... with a male using it in the advertisement...
According to Superdickery's editor, this ad was found inside a comic. Given this, why would a *cough cough* cordless vibrator advertisement appear in the comic pages? What marketing team could have convinced Frederick's of Hollywood, a very reputable merchant, to sell their *cough* skin tone and complexion care product in a comic book?
My answer is simple. Comics and their characters are most likely representations of the human ego and imagination, most particularly those of young men who form the back bone of the comic industry. Given this high presence of testosterone, it is easy to find references to phallic symbols throughout the different comic book issues which may be construed as "Cordless Vibrators". It is my hypothesis that these formed the rational for Frederick of Hollywood's marketing push in the comic world.
Don't agree with me? View my proof.
1) Superman - supposedly the epitome of everything male.
We see him riding a giant missile, legs perched around its pink surface.
Encountering a banana boat.
And, the third phallic symbol, a torpedo, which Superman evades, but says "I eluded that one, but they'll keep on firing!" Hmmm...
2) Batman - The perennial target of homosexual accusations, Batman doesn't help his case by holding this:
Exposing Robin to it is no help in his case either.
This old comic featuring Joker's Boner doesn't help either.
3) Flash - The fastest man alive. In more ways then one...
... is running away from a gigantic missile.
Unfortunately, this wasn't enough to save him from being fingered.
4) Wonderwoman - Alright, Wonderwoman likes her bondage. That's a fact. But this is...
Just plain phallic and strange.5) Captain Marvel
Loves riding his giant flying thing with the red head poking out. He also influenced...6) Captain Marvel, Jr.
Who settled for something smaller, glittery and silver.7) Namor
And his new toy...8) X-Force
... And their flying logs.9) Aliens
Not exactly cordless, but vibrating never the less.
Now we know where those cordless vibrators came from, cut off from these subjugated aliens, I bet.10) The Human Torpedo
This is self-explanatory.and the clincher on my argument:
11) The Weathermaster
Believe me now?
*source of pictures: www.superdickery.com
Thus it came to be, that one fateful day, tiring of Mary Jane Watson, 
Meanwhile, 
What followed was a fight for supremacy. Scarlet Spider was technically already a teenager (by spider terms), with the corresponding teenage sexual hormones. 
And 
So they fought!And what a battle it was! And as these stalwart men fought each other, they felt an unnatural heat stirring in each others loins. They looked at each other, and despite their status as father and son.... 
They gave in to their desires. Each one claiming the other in every manner possible. However, as they lay sleeping in each other's arms, THE SCARLET SPIDER took advantage of the situation... 
He tied his father up in his natural webbing. And pried the mask off, wanting to see his father's real face. He was surprised to find that the man he just had sex with was.... 
Imagine the Scarlet Spider's horror when the man in the Spider suit told him, COME TO PAPA, BOY! READY FOR ROUND TWO ARE YA? 
