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Nov 12, 2007

Queeroes! The Use of the Vibrator in Comics

Sifting through my image archive, I rediscovered this old ad I got from superdickery:

Frederick's of Hollywood is offering a CORDLESS VIBRATOR.

"Exciting new massager!", the ad proclaims.

"Exciting and stimulating massager brings _____ joys and ___ for ultra satisfying ____. Deep, ga___, penetrating massage gives soothing beneficial relief from daily tensions. Women will find it invaluable for skin tone and complexion care. 7 inches long, completely safe. Batteries not included. $2.00."

* blanks = I couldn't decode the scanning.

Hmm... Massager... for women... with a male using it in the advertisement...

According to Superdickery's editor, this ad was found inside a comic. Given this, why would a *cough cough* cordless vibrator advertisement appear in the comic pages? What marketing team could have convinced Frederick's of Hollywood, a very reputable merchant, to sell their *cough* skin tone and complexion care product in a comic book?

My answer is simple. Comics and their characters are most likely representations of the human ego and imagination, most particularly those of young men who form the back bone of the comic industry. Given this high presence of testosterone, it is easy to find references to phallic symbols throughout the different comic book issues which may be construed as "Cordless Vibrators". It is my hypothesis that these formed the rational for Frederick of Hollywood's marketing push in the comic world.

Don't agree with me? View my proof.

1) Superman - supposedly the epitome of everything male.
We see him riding a giant missile, legs perched around its pink surface.
Encountering a banana boat.

And, the third phallic symbol, a torpedo, which Superman evades, but says "I eluded that one, but they'll keep on firing!" Hmmm...

2) Batman - The perennial target of homosexual accusations, Batman doesn't help his case by holding this:
Exposing Robin to it is no help in his case either.

This old comic featuring Joker's Boner doesn't help either.

3) Flash - The fastest man alive. In more ways then one...

... is running away from a gigantic missile.

Unfortunately, this wasn't enough to save him from being fingered.

4) Wonderwoman - Alright, Wonderwoman likes her bondage. That's a fact. But this is...

Just plain phallic and strange.

5) Captain Marvel
Loves riding his giant flying thing with the red head poking out. He also influenced...

6) Captain Marvel, Jr.

Who settled for something smaller, glittery and silver.

7) Namor

And his new toy...

8) X-Force
... And their flying logs.

9) Aliens
Not exactly cordless, but vibrating never the less.
Now we know where those cordless vibrators came from, cut off from these subjugated aliens, I bet.

10) The Human Torpedo
This is self-explanatory.

and the clincher on my argument:

11) The Weathermaster

Believe me now?

*source of pictures: